“Sometimes I wonder how much perception of experience is in my head and how much is reality.”
Life sometimes is way better in my head than what transpires in actual reality. And sometimes I have to remind myself that the actual reality is the hard truth that I must deal with on a daily basis. I am optimistically pessimistic in my outlook and at times the optimism makes me think that everything will work out when it sometimes does not.
In my quest to job hunt I always think that I am going to get that job offer after the interview. I tend to put all the eggs into the one small basket because the strength of hope outweighs, at times, the heaviness of reality. I start to envision the income coming in to pay off the immediate bills, to go grocery shopping, to see a movie. I then see the money paying off my debt and rebuilding my lost savings. And with time, the hope fades as I realize there will not be that call with an offer.
The same goes with potential relationships. It seems I have become this emotional vacuum and whatever gets sent my way, in an innocent gesture, I take as full potential of something serious. I start to see myself being happy and sharing rather than emotionally disconnected and non-trusting. Of course I am aware that this fantasy in my head is just a fantasy but it is that hope that fuels the fires of need.
Welcome to Perception Experience and enjoy my adventures as I see them in my head.